Why did you want to go to OZ – did you plan on confronting Ashley the way it went down?
I don’t believe in attacking the messenger when the message comes from a sincere place. However, I was really bothered after hearing about how Ashley completely attacked and disrespected Charrisse and her unfortunate situation while in the dress shop. It became very clear to me that Ashley has no compassion nor sincerity and completely has no respect for what we have experienced and endured in our lives. I then thought more about exactly what Ashley had said and done to me – bringing gossip to a public party, repeating the gossip over and over again, going in the face of the person she was gossiping about to encourage him to dance. It just all screamed messy, insincere, and childish. I decided to visit Ashley at Oz because I wanted to express those feelings to her and to ask her to think about her intentions before speaking about other people’s lives. Don’t pretend to really care about someone but then gossip all night about them – it comes off as phony and malicious. Don’t throw stones at another woman’s decisions when you’ve never walked a day in their shoes. Why was she so interested in my personal life anyway? I gave her the benefit of the doubt last year when speaking about my financial troubles. But I can’t continue to let her gossip about me and think it is ok.
While on the way to Oz, I envisioned us having a mature and productive conversation. Unfortunately, that is not the way it went down. When I saw Ashley, I was immediately reminded of her phoniness and how she tries to project a sweet, bubbly image but really is not a genuine person. I didn’t want to play Ashley’s phony smile-in-your-face game and instantly became frustrated and agitated at the sight of her. I definitely did not plan on making a scene at her place of business but things quickly escalated and turned into a yelling match. I absolutely am not proud of that moment and wish I had handled things differently.
What do you think about Juan’s conversation with the Producer off camera?
Juan’s off camera conversation with the Producer was definitely unfavorable and not fun to hear, however, it was not news to me to hear how he felt. We have had many private conversations about the state of our relationship and what we each desire. And what I have been saying the entire season – that Juan would like to get married again, have more kids, be in a relationship – is pretty much the same thing he said, “I want to share my life with somebody. I want something more.” His frustrated tone and the fact that he’s whispering to a trusted producer makes the message sound worse than it really is and as if he is hurting me. However, the fact that I am always focused on business and don’t share the same desires for a relationship that Juan does definitely sometimes leads to tense moments between the two of us.
What were you thinking during this conversation with Charrisse’s therapist – did you expect to break down?
I didn’t know what to expect in talking to a therapist and definitely didn’t want to hear more of the same message that my friends had already delivered but I still went into this meeting with an open mind. Fortunately, Dr. Jeff has a special way of making you feel comfortable and at ease. He also has a way of making you take a step back to look at your life from a different perspective. After mentioning my children, I began to become emotional. Just thinking about how much I love my kids made me realize that I need to be the best Robyn that I can be, not only for my personal sake, but especially for my kids’ lives and future. I also began to think about my past struggles that I have endured and survived and of the memories of the pain and how my past experiences continue to affect me. I definitely did not expect to break down, but thinking about some of my darkest days was a strong trigger in that emotional moment.